The Gwyneth Effect

I have a confession to make.  I’m not proud of it.  I know it’s totally irrational and comes from a place of total jealousy and envy.

I hate Gwyneth Paltrow.  There I’ve said it and now I can’t take it back.  Ok, maybe I don’t hate her.  But to use a friend’s expression, I have definitely taken a “set” against her. 

The sad thing is it’s not her fault.  I don’t know her personally, haven’t met her have no clue what she is really like.  But still my feelings are what they are.  Sure – it might have something to do with the fact that she is beautiful, willowy and blonde can act her pants off, is a style and fashion icon and now with a new recipe book out can apparently cook like a Champ as well.  Is it any wonder I set her.

I would have been prepared to cut her some slack, maybe ease off a bit with my set party, but then she had to go and do it.  She had to go and appear on my favourite TV show Glee. 

Now I love my Glee.  I love my Glee like an alcoholic loves that last dribble of juice at the bottom of the bottle.  I must have it, I must watch it, I must sing along and I must torture my poor husband with all Glee songs on repeat on my iPod all the time.

So imagine how I felt when the woman who I have long considered my arch enemy shows up on my show.  And not only does she show up – but she sings! 

And the thing that really burns me, that absolutely boils my blood is – that she was good.  Really good and I liked it.  I like it a whole lot.

Like the conniving, talented shrew that she is, she has completely made me like her!  How could I not when I keep playing that damn “Forget You” song AND prefer her version to the original.  This grieves me considerably.  My world has spun on its axis and I am left wandering around in a daze.  This cannot be.  I hate Gwyneth.  I do.  I really do. 

For years now my favourite Gwyneth movie has ben Se7en.  For all who have seen it – you will know why.  No spoilers here.  And now because of a few Glee episodes I have to rethink everything I once held to be certain and sure. 

Even watching her with her perfect, translucent skin, golden tresses, charming smile and perfect English accent in <insert any English movie she has appeared in> I just can’t dredge up the loathing I once felt. 

So now what do I do?  My animosity for Gwyneth has been my constant companion for years now and I feel rather empty without it.   Even now I am trying to think of something that annoys me about her and ..nothing. 

She was Brad Pitt’s girlfriend – Very Cool. 

She married Coldplay’s Chris Martin – Even Cooler. 

She plays a country singer in her latest movie Country Strong (and I love country music) – Freezing. 

That she can drop the “C” word on a talk show and still look like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth well – ICE AGE COOL!

So there is nothing more I can do now but bow to the almighty Gwyneth and make her an honorary Purple Chickie.  Bestowing my purpleness on anyone is a big deal.  Not just anyone gets the Mantle of Mauve. 

So bravo to you Gwyneth for proving me wrong.

 I officially remove my set.